dietitian
A dietitian is a professional who wrestles with calories and manages people’s guilt simultaneously. They preach the gospel of vegetables with fervor, yet often resolve their own hunger through solemn communion with a humble salad. By instilling fear of vitamin deficiencies, they deny chocolate like gatekeepers of health. Their ritual of silencing "just one more bite" transforms self-esteem into well-being, like an alchemist of odd health magic.