spirometry
Spirometry is the bizarre ritual that transforms the simple act of breathing into a cascade of data points and arcane graphs. The physician masquerades as a statistician, staging reassurance and anxiety in equal measure. During the procedure, you endure the twin tortures of deep inhalations and forced breath-holds while even the slightest cough is coldly recorded. When it concludes, your breathing is neatly boxed into a binary of normal or abnormal, confining life’s complexity within numerical bars. Truly, a modern medical fable that converts the breath of life into mere statistics.