BMI
BMI is the number obtained by dividing weight in kilograms by the square of height in meters. It has been deified in health checkups as the ultimate arbiter of wellness, handing out pardons for dieting sins and inflicting guilt with equanimity. Its pristine disregard for muscle mass and bone structure exemplifies the purity of numerical authority. Everyone has stared at the number once, choosing to fudge reality rather than question its meaning. After all, yesterday's slice of cake was never a crime, but a martyr to the injustice of a formula.