being

A lone human silhouette standing in the midst of an endless void
The solitary protest (?) of being, continually asserting invisible value
Faith & Philosophy

Description

Being is the state of occupying space without ever receiving gratitude. Philosophers dive deep into it only to emerge with expensive and pointless debates. In everyday life, it exists solely so someone can insult you by saying you lack it. Conversely, while praised as ’noble being,’ it is nothing more than a trendy buzzword. Ultimately, being is a fickle abstract concept whose value ebbs and flows with someone’s mood.

Definitions

  • The assertion of physical reality that no one can explain in practical terms.
  • A spell that instantly gains weight and kicks off pointless meetings when uttered.
  • A black box that evades essence inquiry, leaving seekers only with riddles.
  • A noble in social circles whose value is either whimsically celebrated or forgotten.
  • An excuse to flee nothingness and an infinite invitation to the journey of meaning.
  • A magical phrase boosting self-esteem yet delivering the greatest self-delusion.
  • A handy target for critics, turning presence into the sole measure of character.
  • A wormhole that drags debates into a swamp, devours reason and spawns the void.
  • A troublesome burden neither scientists can quantify nor poets can confine.
  • A fleeting claim destined to be forgotten in an indifferent future.

Examples

  • “What’s your purpose in being?” I shrugged and replied, “To be the scapegoat when the printer breaks.”
  • “I feel my being is meaningless,” he said, tapping his phone as if for confirmation.
  • “You have zero presence,” she laughed, making me consider logging off for good.
  • “I crave recognition of my being,” he moaned, yet waited for a notification ding.
  • “Your being is only valid during the first three days of New Year,” someone joked—and it stuck.
  • “Is being an illusion or just décor?” he mused loudly in the bar.
  • “If it doesn’t exist, no one mentions it,” declared the snarky friend, silencing himself.
  • “Want to enhance your being?” she asked. “First switch on, please,” came the reply.
  • “Being equals approval,” wrote the professor, as half the class dozed off.
  • “I’m as present as invisible air,” she sighed, then updated her status endlessly.
  • “Prove your being,” he challenged, brandishing his driver’s license triumphantly.
  • “Let’s convene on the purpose of being,” she proposed, resulting only in endless minutes of minutes.
  • “Just existing makes me happy,” quipped the hermit, locking the door behind him.
  • “Presence” trended on Twitter while substance stayed on holiday.
  • “Hearing ‘being’ gives me hives,” muttered the worst explainer in town.
  • “We respect existence as a society,” boasted the sign, outside a café without seats.
  • “Someone acknowledge my being,” he pleaded, then watched nobody respond.
  • “To boost your being, speak loudly,” he was advised—and promptly got ejected.
  • “I haven’t time to ponder being,” she griped, then spent the next five minutes on TikTok.
  • “Being means being noticed by others,” I declared—ironically unacknowledged.

Narratives

  • He shouted into the meeting room to affirm his being, only to find emptiness in every stare.
  • Employees with the thinnest being praise their stock price of likes on the company feed.
  • His sole purpose of being was to blame someone when the email server crashed.
  • Each time someone pondered being, those philosophy sections in bookstores rang the cash register.
  • The more sacred the being, the steeper the entry fee for its celebration.
  • Mastering the art of ignoring another’s being is quickly becoming a modern survival skill.
  • Those who pontificate on being most fervently are expert escape artists from reality.
  • To project presence, he set his PowerPoint font to size 50 and called it performance art.
  • The student who asked for the definition of being never attended class again.
  • Even entities unwilling to be called beings find themselves as business book titles.
  • Mentioning a non-existent being online comes with a free ticket to cancel culture.
  • Being manipulated by the concept is proof of chronically low self-esteem, someone opined.
  • The more a fictional being is erased, the more endearingly mourned by fans, ironically.
  • Panels on the meaning of being are always scheduled at the bitter end of conferences.
  • When asked about its being, the AI reportedly consults its logs first.
  • After ontology class, students uniformly wore the expression of existential exhaustion.
  • She carried an ornate mug merely to feel the weight of her being.
  • Those who know the gravity of being shrink at the sight of monthly invoices.
  • As long as we persist in being, humans will invent endless excuses.
  • Some researchers concluded that selfies are insufficient proof of being.

Aliases

  • Air Substitute
  • Phantom Member
  • Existence Detector
  • Meaning Warranty
  • Token Signboard
  • Philosopher’s Snack
  • Escape Hatch
  • Decoration
  • Societal Ornament
  • Approval Seeker
  • Abstract Machine
  • Mantelpiece Doll
  • Unprovable Entity
  • Time Thief
  • Void in the Heart
  • Disposable Proof
  • Sham Reality
  • Self-Deception Tool
  • Existence Tollbooth
  • Anchor of Nothingness

Synonyms

  • Meaning Guarantor
  • Nonsense Engine
  • Invisible Gravity
  • Nominal Existence
  • Spotlight Hog
  • Apology Unit
  • Meeting Attendee
  • Expectation Generator
  • Criticism Material
  • Ritual Shell
  • Presence Director
  • Self-Intro Pen
  • Audio Projector
  • Abstract Palette
  • Lost Awareness
  • Illusion Generator
  • Idle Holder
  • Reality Beggar
  • Stagnation Root
  • Oblivion Insurance