future vision

Description

A future vision is an empty container filled with vague hopes repackaged as corporate gospel. It is usually set forth with no deadlines or accountability, gathering dust on a whiteboard in a meeting room. The more one talks about the future, the more current issues are shelved in a form of democratic violence. After grandiose rhetoric, everyone quietly returns to mundane tasks like seeking investor approval, a scene as human as it is absurd.

Definitions

• A corporate ornament that turns vague hopes for the future into grandiose slogans.
• A ghost roadmap with no deadlines, indefinitely postponing empty promises.
• A catch-all escape hatch that deflects criticism by omitting all accountability.
• A theatrical device in meeting rooms that shelves current problems while stirring excitement.
• A magical dummy whose lack of specifics increases its allure to shareholders.
• The antipasto served as an appetizer to the ritual of seeking investor blessing.
• A time-shift mechanism that blurs timelines and shifts risks to someone in the future.
• A work of media art that endures eternally because it’s perpetually due for an update.
• A zero-calorie policy that raises enthusiasm while diluting execution.
• The act of speaking about the future itself, a ceremony to avoid responsibility in the present.

Examples

• “Raise the future vision! Capture the hearts of customers!” — “Understood. By when?” — “By the future.”
• “Could you make this future vision a bit more concrete?” — “Concrete in how many years?”
• “It’s approved. The future vision is splendid.” — “The approver is in the future too, you know.”
• “Keep the future vision to three slides.” — “Do you prefer a shorter future?”
• “Who’s responsible for the future vision?” — “Anyone willing to go to the future.”
• “Have you shown the future vision to the CEO?” — “I’ll show it in the future.”
• “What’s the budget for the future vision?” — “We’ll allocate it from the future budget.”
• “Is the future vision a form of risk hedge?” — “Exactly. We delegate it to someone in the future.”
• “Is the future vision really feasible?” — “If it fails, it becomes a topic for the future.”
• “Let’s create a future vision department!” — “Setting up the department is an investment in the future, indeed.”
• “I object to the future vision!” — “I’ll file that objection in the future too.”
• “Where’s the future vision?” — “On the last page of the meeting materials.”
• “What are the KPIs for the future vision?” — “KPIs will also be decided in the future.”
• “I wish I could eat the future vision.” — “It has a taste of tomorrow, indeed.”
• “It’s fun just to declare the future vision.” — “The joy lies in leaving action to the future.”
• “When is the future vision briefing?” — “We’ll hold it in the future, please wait.”
• “The future vision is trending on social media.” — “The buzz also depends on the future.”
• “Did you read the future vision properly?” — “It was read by my future self.”
• “Those who preach the future vision leave meetings the earliest.” — “The timing of departure is decided in the future too.”
• “Future vision updated.” — “It’s also the future’s privilege to need an update.”

Narratives

• Every time a new future vision is presented, a snide ‘another whiteboard performance’ echoes through the office.
• Immediately after the future vision announcement, everyone takes out their phones to search ‘will this really happen?’.
• The future vision projected in the conference room was so picturesque that no one dared to disagree.
• Every year at the same time, the renewal of the future vision has become an established annual ritual.
• Whenever someone tries to refine the details of the future vision, the slides mysteriously keep disappearing.
• Discussions about the future vision invariably end with the merciless question ‘who will execute it and when?’.
• The person tasked with creating the future vision document breathes a sigh of relief the moment it’s turned into a PDF.
• When clients hear the future vision, they declare ‘I won’t believe it no matter what.’
• After explaining the future vision, the department head quietly slips out of the meeting room.
• The planning meeting for the future vision resembles writing a letter to someone who already lives in the future.
• During the future vision debate, the junior employees just kept scratching their heads.
• The future vision balloons in words alone, inversely proportional to the amount of real action.
• Simply proclaiming a future vision holds a peculiar magic that makes real problems vanish from view.
• After toasting to the completion of the future vision, no one summoned the execution team.
• By the time one finishes reading the future vision, lunch break is already over.
• The proofreader of the future vision falls into an infinite loop of erasing and retyping incomprehensible phrases.
• All past future visions lie dormant, gathering dust in the office warehouse.
• Seminars on future vision are usually held at the instructor’s most idle hour.
• Employees at companies that proclaim a future vision forget concrete tasks by the next morning.
• The future vision PDF has the word ‘Latest’ dancing across its pages.

Related Terms

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