waterfall

Description

Waterfall is an archaic development method that elevates up-front planning to sacred ritual. The moment a detailed plan is set, the project’s future seems predestined. Implementation and testing are left to downstream workers toiling under rigid schedules. Change requests become heresy, and a single line added to the spec is treated like a blasphemous act. The long road to delivery inflicts more drama and suffering than any epic tale.

Definitions

• A sequential development model that follows the sacred scripture of the plan while downstream phases cry out in agony.
• A method that celebrates the hellish festival awaiting later phases by deciding everything up front.
• A strategy that avoids change and attempts to seal unpredictable reality behind a magical shield called the specification.
• An endless marathon that sends completion back to the phantom starting line.
• A pyramid structure that assigns responsibility strictly by stacking deliverables phase by phase.
• A ritual of churning out documents and stuffing both hope for the future and escapism into paper mountains.
• A phantom project that only begins when commands from above are believed to be flawlessly delivered.
• A technique that ferociously binds scope creep under iron rules and torments sloppy estimates with curses.
• An antiquated method that maintains the absolute authority of pre-launch plans even after completion.
• The oldest development pattern that entrusts a project’s destiny to a single flowchart.

Examples

• “New requirements? I’m afraid ‘Waterfall’ has no such concept.”
• “Change request? Apologies, heresy before the holy spec is forbidden.”
• “When’s completion? According to the plan, exactly one year from today.”
• “There are tons of tests. That’s just the downstream phase’s festival.”
• “Customer wants a tweak? Please wait until the next sprint—oh right, we’re on Waterfall.”
• “Scope is frozen solid. Only a relic-level approval can thaw it.”
• “Progress report? Yes, we’re delayed exactly as planned.”
• “Bug fix? That line is not visible in the specification.”
• “Once decided, I stand unchanging—like a stone monument.”
• “Hail Waterfall! The warrior that repels the disease called change.”
• “Risks? None greater than deviating from the spec.”
• “Too many documents? Proof of your faith’s depth.”
• “I entrusted everything to the flowchart. Yet no one could save me.”
• “Guarantee of no failure? None, but one must persist in belief.”
• “Next phase? First, finish the phase you never completed.”

Narratives

• The project surrenders to the flow of the plan, leaving no room for resistance.
• The pre-launch spec becomes an absolute deity, and any minor change is deemed heresy.
• With every added requirement, developers take another step into the inferno.
• The moment the upstream phase is declared complete, the downstream is sentenced to death.
• The team locked in the prison of change management raises voiceless cries.
• Progress meetings turn into rituals sharing the futility of ‘completion’ reports.
• By the time documents form a mountain, no one can glimpse its peak.
• Arriving at the testing phase, enthusiasm has evaporated, leaving only emptiness.
• Estimates become cursed spells, always accompanied by shortfalls and delays.
• Auditors glare at specs as merciless judges, questioning every word’s legitimacy.
• Spec changes are forbidden moves, and document revisions treated like dark rituals.
• Once initiated, there’s no turning back, rolling forward like a boulder down a slope.
• Project managers worship flowcharts, unquestioning in their faith.
• As the deadline approaches, anxiety floods the team like a roaring river.
• After the completion declaration, a bottomless pit awaits, and no one recalls what happened.

Related Terms

Aliases

• Paperfall Priest
• Sequential Zealot
• Change Hater
• Sacred Flowchart
• Document Martyr
• Plan Cleric
• Flow Fundamentalist
• Spec Cult Leader
• Development Marathoner
• Merciless Guideline
• Phase Jailkeeper
• Start Supremacist
• Process Servant
• Spec Fundamentalist
• Dogma Guardian

Synonyms

• Order Worship
• Plan Cult
• Paper Fetishist
• Completion Nerd
• Ancient Development
• Change Rejection Device
• Waterfall Fanatic
• Progress Staller
• Document Addict
• Review Religion
• Procedureist
• Plan Shackler
• Iron Rule
• Static Developer
• Ritual Maniac